Forgiven
by MunrosSelenator
Summary: Elijah Goldsworthy has done something horrible to his one love, Clare Edwards. What did he do? Will she forgive him or stay with her new fella? *First Fan Fiction, feed back would be lovely. : Rated M, some language and other things.
1. Chapter 1

Forgiven

Time to get up, bud, the familiar voice, Bullfrog s voice, breaks through my peaceful slumber. Slowly, I lift my weary head and rub my eyes. Looking around, I realize I've fallen asleep at the computer again. I scoot closer to the screen and read the last line I wrote. _I hate myself_.  
>There s a rapid knocking at my door and I groggily say, I m up, Bullfrog. Just as I hear the door knob begin to twist, I quickly shut off my computer. Bullfrog steps in and searches the room for me. After locating me at my desk, slightly behind the door, he stumbles to my bed.<br>_Oh, great_, I think as I swivel my chair towards him. I peer at his face and wonder where my jade green eyes came from. Listen, Eli, I don t want you to look for Cla- her. You ve gotten so much better the past month. CeCe and I are very proud of you and we don t want you to become depressed again. Don t ask Adam about her, nothing. If she s in a class of yours, don t look at her, don t talk to her. I know you ll want to, but it s not good for you, she s not good for you. I watch him slowly look up from his sweating hands with this pitiful, pleading look. I don t know what to say, so I just nod like an idiot.  
>Bullfrog gives me a long, hard look, then leaves the room so I can prepare for school. I take off my pants and the angry red cuts stare back at me. Of course, my mom and dad know about my self mutilation, to a point. That s what really worries them. I used to cut my wrists, but they saw the scars very easily and tried to get me help. I ve moved on to cutting my legs, stomach, anything not visible. I pull up my dark jeans and hide my deep red slash marks. They re too ugly to look at any longer. I fix my belt and begin to reach for my Dead Hand shirt. I begin to think of her and the incident. She isn t just ayone. She s Clare Edwards. She is my love, but I hurt her. I hurt my Clare-Bear.<br>My head starts spinning as I think of her. Her blue eyes, her smile, her auburn hair, the curliness of her hair, her voice, her angelic laugh, her complexion, her stubbornness, her humor, her gorgeous blush, her fingers, her arms, her style, her ass, her boobs, her. . . everything. She is perfect. And I m just the low life, jack-ass who hurt her.  
>I sit down with my Dead Hand shirt still in hand. Fucking idiot! I mumble as I shake my head.<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

Forgiven

I make my way into Degrassi and keep my eyes locked on the floor. As I spin the dial on my locker, I hear someone approaching me. Before I can look, I hear, "Hey dude!" Right way I know it has to be my best friend, Adam Torres. I feel a smirk grow on my face as I say, "How ya been, man?" I watch him shove his books into his locker and I can tell the covers are going to be ripped by tomorrow. I try to pay attention to the words pouring out of his mouth, but them I see her. Adam must have noticed me staring right past him. "No, no, Eli, don't."  
>"I'm not going to talk to her. Not yet, at least. Is she still angry. . .?"<br>"No, she's better. But Eli, we have to go. Now."  
>I look at him questioningly and ask, "Is she still hurt? Is she going to ma-?" Then I see it. SOme guy hugging her. A pag of jealousy washes over me as I see him look into her beautiful eyes the way only I should.<br>Adam grabs me and ushers me away. Just as we're about to turn the corner, I look over my shoulder one last time, and I'm gazing into those beautiful eyes. 


	3. Chapter 3

I set my head down on my desk. It's been eight hours since I saw my Clare-Bear with this new guy. _They can't be that into each other can they?_ I ask myself. Shaking my head, I angrily yell, "Of course they can!" I saw the way they looked at each other. Them staring into each others eyes is engraved into my memory. Every damn time I close my eyes I see their faces. My body gets that familiar itch. The itching soon becomes so unbearable I give in, just like every other time. I jump up and pull the blade out from under my matress.

Frantically, I drop my pants and search for healed skin. In five quick motions, my emotional pain disappears. For now, that is. For a few moments, I just sit on my bed with my knife in hand, just feeling the emotional relief and physical pain. Glancing down at my leg, I see the blood trickle from my slashes. _Disgusting. You're nothing but disgusting_. I stand up and grimace as I limp into the bathroom. I set the blade down on my sink and bandage my leg. Then, I begin to clean my knife. After returning my knife to its hiding spot, I just stand in the middle of my room, itching my bandaids. It kills me to have to wear them, but I'm not going to let my parents find out about my cutting again. I used to cut my wrists, but they discovered my wounds too easily and tried to get me help. I only went because of their pleading looks. Now, I have to be more secretive. I cut anywhere that is not visible, legs, stomach, you name it. I still burn myself everywhere, though. I can't stand those people who cut for attention. I mean, it's not getting you the kind of attention you would want. Cutting's more of a relief for people like me.

I move to my bed, grab my phone, and sit down. Contemplating what to do, my thumbs dance over my phone's keyboard. Then, I type a message to Adam. _Who is he?_ My thumb doesn't seem to be able to push send. I know I really don't want to know who he is, but there's a little part of me pleading with my thumb to hit the send button. My thumb smashes into the send button, and I know that little part of me is stronger than the rest of me.

I know Adam replies fast, but I need fresh air. I decide on going for a bike ride, even if it causes me more physical pain. _Hey, more physical pain, less emotional_, I think to myself with a sick smirk on my face. I grab my pants off the floor and pull them up as I'm walking out the door.


	4. Chapter 4

Half way into my bike ride, my phone goes off. 'If It Means a Lot to You' by A Day to Remember plays, and I immediately know it's Adam. This was his favorite song way back when I bought my ringtones. "Hello," I say in between pants and stabs of fresh pain. Looking down, I can see the blood stains on my pants.

"His name is Jake. They've been together for a month and a half. She wants to know if you're okay," Adam says in spurts.

"Just peachy," I tell him as I try to hold back my excitement. _She's thinking about me!_ I scream in my head as my stomach fills with butterflies. "How is she doing?"

I hear Adam say something to someone other than me, and then I hear her voice. _He's with her! I have to find them, I need to see her!  
><em>  
>"She's doing very well. So's Jake." I instantly roll my eyes when I hear that name. <em>Who names a kid Jake? That's a form of child abuse.<br>_  
>"Where are you, Adam?"<p>

It takes him longer to answer than it should. He lets out a big sigh and he says, "Eli. You're not ready to see her. I'm sorry dude, but I'm trying to help you. Ya know, save you from yourself."

"Adam, you make it seem like I'm crazy. I'm not. I can handle it." I can see myself walking into where ever they are, my Clare running up to me, and kissing me. Just the way she should every day for the rest of my life.

"You're just not ready, Eli. I have to go. See you tomorrow."

I open my mouth to plead with him, but he's already hung up. I slam my thumb into the end key and shove my phone into my pocket. I finally sit down on the curb and let my bike fall onto the cement. Angrily, I flop my head into my hands and try to think of where they might be. I groan and toss myself backwards into the cool grass. _They could be anywhere._ Then, suddenly, I remember Bullfrog and CeCe wanted to talk to me after work and see if they believe I need more "help". I stand up, dust the dirt off my jeans, and ride my bike home.


	5. Chapter 5

I haven't slept at all. I'm going to look like hell. _Going to look like hell? You always look like a disgusting, evil, hellish bastard_, I think as I flip on the bathroom light and walk in. My black nails are chipped, but who would notice? _Nobody gives a fuck about the most disgusting jackass on the face of the earth_. They're too busy staring at my ugly pathetic face. _Ugly ass. Fucking pale vampire cunt. Can't you go outside and get a little sun? No because if you did someone would shoot your pathetic ass. _I try to shake those thoughts from my head, but all I'm shaking is my shaggy black hair. I look up from my sink and stare into the mirror. In the corner, there is still a picture of Clare and me at Vegas night last year.

Then, I think of him. He looked at her the way only I should. I glance back at my reflection and see my eyes become cloudy. _She doesn't want you. She thinks you're pathetic and deserve to be beat to death with a crow bar_. I feel that side of me take control and I know something horrible's going to happen, but that side of me is too strong to stop.

Still looking in the mirror, I feel myself lose control. All control, and I stop trying to prevent the inevitable.


	6. Chapter 6

"This is your fault! You're pathetic! Clare's too good for you, you ugly, pathetic little fuck up! You deserve to be dead. Don't you see it? Don't you fucking get it? She chose him, so go slit your ugly, worthless throat!" I growl through my teeth at my reflection. Shaking, I begin pacing. I run my fingers through my hair, trying to calm myself. The other side of me takes control once again, and I begin pulling my hair as hard as I can muster. Screams escape my mouth, which only make me pull harder. Then, in a moment of pure anger, I turn to the mirror and punch my reflection in the face. The mirror shatters and the pieces fall in slow motion to my feet.

Slowly, I sit down on the floor and run my left hand through my hair. I never look down at my right hand, which burns from the mirror. _You deserved that. Now, you get to feel the pain. Pathetic people feel pain, strong people get the girl_. I shake my head and I slowly regain control. I stand up and change clothes. I start for the door when a tiny piece of paper catches my eye. I walk over to it and pick it up with my left hand. **Sorry bud, we had to go see CeCe's friend. See you after school. Love you.**

_Thank god_, I think with a smirk across my face, _They would take me away forever if they heard all that_.

My hand stings the whole way to school, but I'm pretty happy about that. It takes my attention away from all the things going on around me. _It's just going to be another bruise I have to explain to CeCe. Oh, well, I'll come up with something, I always do_, I tell myself. Standing at my locker, I spin the dial and try to block my perifial vision.

The voice of an angel breaks through my absent state of mind. I look up so quickly I become slightly dizzy. I blink several times until I can see clearly again, I see Clare where she was yesterday with Jake again. This time they, along with everyone else, are staring in my direction with a shocked look on their faces. I look behind me and realize they must be staring at me. _Do I really look that much worse than usual?_

I look around me again to make sure I didn't miss anyone behind me. I reach my hand up to brush my bangs out of my eyes, and then, I feel it.

Blood.


	7. Chapter 7

Adam appears out of no where. I see his face twist in shock, disgust, and horror. He quickly grabs my arm and pushes me towards the nurse's office. I watch his blue eyes dart from place to place. His brown hair flops back in the wind, we must be walking faster than I think.

"Rocky.." I whisper. Adam looks down at me and moves his hand from my arm to my back. Then, he places his other hand on my arm. His blue eyes don't leave mine until I try to smirk at him. "I'm going to help you, Fish Pits, I'm going to help you."

_Adam's terrified of blood and you're bleeding. He's the best friend you'll ever have_, I think to myself. Smirking, I add, _You're right..for once._

I look away from Adam's pale face and stare at my bloody hand, the red gushes out of the wound, down my fingers, and on to my pants. There is no longer anything that I can feel, everything is gone, except me, my bloody hand, and Adam's voice in my ear. I can't make out what he's saying but his voice comforts me.

_Adam's your best friend. You're a lucky bastard_.

Now, Adam's voice has left me. It's just me and my hand. Then, my world goes black.


	8. Chapter 8

Bright. There's a light shining in my eyes. When I can see fully, I know exactly where I am. I'm in the exact same room I was in not too long ago, the same hospital room that I was in when I crashed Morty, my hearse, for Clare. I immediately glance down at my clothes and sigh a sigh of relief when I realize I haven't been changed into a gown. 'That would've ruined everything.'  
>Looking down at my hand, I see it's bandaged and there's a piece of paper under my hand. With my good hand, I grab for the paper and unfold it slowly. I stare at the paper for two seconds before I realize it's Adam's hand writing. 'You blocked out. Jake and I got you to the nurse's without too much trouble and I rode with you here. I made sure they didn't change your clothing, since you're kind of weird about it and all. Anyway, I really wanted to stay but they made me leave.-Adam' I hate to say this, but I'm sort of glad he didn't get to stay. It's nice to have time to myself, but, at the same time, time alone could be the end of me. I don't want to think about what lead me to this point in my life. I need distractions all the time. I groan and throw my head back against the crappy hospital pillow. 'Wow, now I really wish you were here, Adam.' I look to my left and see the door Clare walked in that fateful night. Just as I begin to wish she were here, it hits me.<br>'Jake. Adam said he helped get me to the nurse. Which could possibly mean Clare was worried about me.'  
>My heart flutters. I hope she thinks about me as often as I think of her. 'No, that's the dumbest thing ever, Eli. Why would she think about the guy that hurt her? You're meaningless to her. To everyone.'<br>Those words ring through my mind and my suicide ideas pop into my head once again. 'And I was doing so well.'  
>The door knob twisting makes me jump and pushes my depressing thoughts to the back of my mind once again. A man dressed in a big white coat walks in and it's obvious he's my doctor.<br>"So, Mr. Elijah Goldsworthy, your hand has been stiched up and I think you're free to leave. You probably will need surgery though. You cut a tendon in your hand," the doctor says. He looks like someone from Texas. He has weird, shaggy brown hair, boring blue eyes, and a huge walrus mustache.  
>"Really? Okay," I reply as I begin to stand.<br>"Yep. Your mom's going to get your medicine and your father's in the waiting room. Now, before you go, would you care to tell me what happened?" he asks as he raises one hairy eyebrow.  
>"Oh," I look down at the floor and try to come up with a decent excuse, then I say, "Honestly? I got really angry and kind of blacked out. Then, I punched a mirror."<br>He looks me dead in the eye and says, "Figured. That's been happening to a lot of people recently." He makes his way over to the door and holds it open.  
>I smirk as I walk through the door and think, 'Honesty is the best policy, I suppose.'<br>Just as I'm about in the waiting room, the doctor runs up to me, hands me a piece of paper, smiles, and says, "I almost forgot." 


	9. Chapter 9

I look at the doctor for a few moments and then down at the neatly folded paper. I feel my good hand reach up to the paper then gently grasp it. He smiles at me and says, "A pretty lady left it here for you. She didn't want anyone to see it, so she left it with me, safe keeping." Then, he walks away.

I open the paper and recognize the writing right away. _Clare.  
><em>  
>"Eli, I came with Adam and Jake. I can't believe they could get you to the nurse, and then I was worried Adam would try to do something stupid, like usual. Anyways, I hope you're feeling better and if you need anything, I'll be there for you.. -Clare"<p>

A smile slowly spreads across my face. _Clare cares about me. HA! In your face Ja- Oh. Yeah. Jake helped get me here. That stupid piece of shit_.

I begin walking down the narrow white hall toward the waiting room. The room is pretty large and there's a big plant on the center of a table with magazines thrown around it. I look to my far left and see Bullfrog sitting, staring at his hands. "Bullfrog," I say slightly worried.

He looks up and just looks at me for a moment. Then he looks back at the ground and says, "Eli, I think we should switch schools. This girl is messing you up. You were doing so well and look where we are again. Just because you saw that little princess. She never has been good for you. She'll never be good enough for you, Eli. You'll find someone at a new school and forget all about little old what's her face. You'll find someone who_ loves_ you."

I stare at this man. He's not my father. My father always told me that once you find your one true love you'll just know it. And I know Clare's my one real love. I stare at him until he looks up at me, and then I say it.


	10. Chapter 10

"If you make me switch schools, and I'll tell mom exactly what happened between you and Mrs. Edwards. Not your stupid little 'We were just really swell friends'. Or the whole 'Mrs. Edwards is getting divorced? Whatever is the reason for that?' The truth."

I cannot believe I just said that.

I don't believe I said that.

There's no way I said that.

I'm not that kind of son.

There's NO way I said that.

The look on my dad's face tells me otherwise, it's a mix between anger, hurt, and guilt.

I feel my mouth go dry and my throat tighten. My father's eyes slowly meet mine, and I feel the need to look away. _Look any where but in his eyes. He'll know you didn't mean that. He'll know it's an empty threat._

"How do you know what happened?" His voice is nervous. _God, why the hell are we doing this in a _FUCKING_ hospital?  
><em>  
>"Bullfrog, I'm not stupid. Nor is Clare. That's all the reasoning you need," I say as I continue starting at the wall. <em>Don't just go half way, Eli, if you're going to do it, do it<em>.

"I'm really ashamed of you, Bullfrog. You're the one who told me that once you truly love someone, you'll marry them. And that divorce isn't an option. Cheating? The Bullfrog I know wouldn't dream of it. Lying to your wife? The one you supposively love? The Bullfrog I know wouldn't be able to. Lying to me? I would hope you wouldn't. But guess what? You DID. You don't deserve mom. But you deserve me. A fucked up son who completely ruins the family. Ha, like father, like son. Don't worry, I'll be gone soon enough and you'll never have to hear from me or see me again. " No, I can't believe I said THAT.

I look at my father and turn around. I walk out of the hospital into the sunshine with my head held high. I know I hurt my dad, but he needed to hear it. I'll cut myself a few extra times tonight to make up for the pain I just caused him.


	11. Chapter 11

After a long walk home, I find the house empty. I stand in the front hallway and look at my _happy_ family's living room. Slowly, I walk over to our well used couch and sit down. I drop my head into my hands and stare at the carpet.

_Happy family? How could my father be such a hypocrite? There's no way he really loves mom, or me for that matter. He's obviously not the man I've looked up to for all my life. He's pathetic. _I think and then I begin laughing to myself._ Just like me. Like father, like son.  
><em>  
>I jump up from the couch and run towards my isolated room. I can't take the living room any longer. There are too many family related memories in there, those damn memories make me want to be who I was back then. Happy. I was such a faker, a liar. Now, I'm honest and real.<p>

_NO. You're just like your father. You're pathetic, and a big, fat, pathetic liar. You should just kill yourself. Clare only left that note because Adam told her what to write. She doesn't even think about you. That's how pathetic you are to her.  
><em>  
>I need to make that voice stop, but I can't.<p>

_Go slit your wrists, just like all those kids at school tell you to. Go shoot yourself in the bathroom like everyone wants you to. Go hang yourself like CeCe and Bull Frog secretly want you to. You're a shame to this family. You are only a burden. You harm everyone with your pathetic life.  
><em>  
>I fall to the floor and scream at the top of my lungs. Frantically, I try to stand up, but my body doesn't allow me to get up. I pound the floor with my limbs and grimace at the pain caused by my injured hand. Curling into a ball in the hallway, I begin to weep like a child. I don't know how long it has been since I last cried. Probably since Clare broke up with me in the hospital.<p>

I can no longer see through my tears, and my loud weeping and breathing doesn't allow me to hear anything. Suddenly, I feel someone grab me and hug me. I feel someone's face on my forehead, but I cannot tell who it is, but their skin is very soft and comforting. Soon, I feel myself drift off into a deep slumber.


	12. Chapter 12

Fluttering, my eyes open. Ceiling. That's all I see. Sitting up, I bring my good hand to my face and scratch my head. Something's different with my bed. _My sheets are washed? Since when?  
><em>  
>Something still feels weird. I lift my head up from my hand and look around my room. Laying on the floor by my door is a pair of shoes. They definately aren't my shoes. They're too small and.. <em>Girly?<br>_  
>I fling my legs over the side of my bed and quietly tiptoe towards the shoes, making sure to step over the squeaky floor board. I pick up the off-white shoes and examine them. <em>These are really tiny. Size 7. They must be new, they're so clean..<em> I flip one shoe so I can look inside it_. 'It's bearly even worn, there's no foot imprint._

I look at the little blue and yellow flowers on the inside of the shoe and smile to myself. _There's something about girl's shoes. They're so delicate and girly._ My heart flutters in my chest as I think about having a girlfriend with these shoes. She would have to be adorable and girly. _Just like Clare._ I sit on the floor imagining who owns the shoes.

Suddenly, I look toward my bathroom. A light. She's here, the owner of these shoes is here. I set the shoes down as quietly as possible and move towards my bed. Just as I lay down, the bathroom light goes off and the door knob slowly twists. I catch my breath and watch the door open. _Is it Clare? Is it my neighbor? My mom? Who is this mystery girl_?

Grey shorts and pale legs, that's the first thing I see.


	13. Chapter 13

The mystery girl's toes are painted. Each toe has sparkly purple polish on them. _How can she wear those shoes without socks and not hurt her heels? _Her legs look like they belong to a supermodel. The girl is wearing a white shirt with blue and yellow flowers on it, just like the ones in her shoes. The shirt is just tight enough to show off her figure without looking like a tramp. She must bite her nails because they aren't super long like most girls at my school. She's looking back into the bathroom for something and I can't see her face.

But I know who she is by the lose auburn curls on her head. I swallow hard and realize how dry my mouth is. She always makes my mouth dry and makes my knees weak. Her head turns towards me and I watch her mouth turn upwards into a sweet smile.

_That's my Clare_. I think as I sit up and smile back.

"Hi, Eli. Feeling better?" Her voice sounds like angels singing and her blue, captivating eyes stare into mine.

"Uhm, yeah, yeah much better. Even better now that I know you're here," I say as I watch her. Clare turns her head back towards the bathroom and my eyes follow her gaze. A tall male walks out of my bathroom. He is wearing dark blue jeans with rips in them and a red plaid t-shirt. His short brown hair looks as though a female had just messed it up. _Jake. He's in my house. He was in my bathroom. With my Clare_. I feel anger boil inside me. He smiles at Clare and gazes lovingly into her eyes. She returns the gaze and gives him the sweetest smile I have even seen.

Disgusted, I turn my eyes to my bed. It's so obvious what they were doing in _my_ bathroom.

_Get them out. Do whatever it takes to get them out without angering Clare_. The voice in my head screams at me, but it's not in its usual tone. It almost feels as though it wants to help me.

"So," I cough and clear my throat," Thanks for helping me today and all, but I really need to get some sleep. You guys can go if you want.. Lock the door after yourselves." I slowly bring my eyes up to theirs and see both of them smiling at me as if I was their little brother.

"Okay, Eli. We'll see you tomorrow at school," Clare says in her sweet tone as she reaches back for Jake's hand.

"You're welcome, man. Have a good night,' he says as they head for the door. He grabs Clare's shoes and smiles at me a last time.

As soon as I hear the front door close, I breathe again. I laugh to myself as I think of how well I handled that. Mid laughing, I remember something odd about Jake's shirt, it wasn't buttoned right.

_He was having sex with Clare in your bathroom. Remember how she said she was going to wait for marriage? She lied because she didn't want your pathetic body to be inside hers. Do you remember the sounds coming out of your bathroom while you were looking at her shoes? Of course you don't. You were too busy thinking of a girl that would want you the way Clare wants Jake. They were _fucking_ in your bathroom. He officially went farther with Clare than you will ever get to. She's his forever now._


	14. Chapter 14

_Green leaves. Big brown trunks. The sun is shining through the tree leaves. A picnic table. Laughter breaks through the calm air. Adam is walking with a video camera in his hand, I'm walking beside him in my black leather jacket, and Clare's beside me in a pink dress with flowers on it. We're all laughing and discussing who should play Romeo in our remake of "Romeo and Juliet". I volunteer immediately and look like a pathetic loser who is dying to kiss the beautiful Juliet- Clare. Adam directs us to sit down on the table. Clare and I sit down inches apart and we go through the lines. Our lips touch on cue and electricity shoots through me. I watch Clare's pale face blush, the butterflies in my stomach go insane and I swear Adam and Clare can hear their wings beating. I look down at my hands and once I look up again, Clare and I are lying together in a hammock. A sweet vanilla scent is hovering in the air around us and I breathe it in happily. Clare always wore this perfume when we were dating. Clare says something and I pull her closer to me. She snuggles in, placing her head on my chest. I watch her eyes close and her chest go up and down. She soon fell asleep in my arms. I just layed with her and stared at the stars.  
><em>  
>I open my eyes. Those memories feel like just yesterday. There's no way Clare changed into a complete tramp over those short few weeks. There weren't any sexual noises when I was looking at her shoes, they couldn't have had sex. There were voices, but I cannot recall what they were saying.<p>

_Maybe Jake's not a bad guy, maybe he's good to her. He just might be good for her_. I think to myself. _Maybe I should befriend him. Then I can make sure he doesn't hurt Clare. I can find out if he really loves her or not.  
><em>  
>Just like that, my mind was made up. "Tomorrow, Eli, tomorrow you're going to talk to Jake. And you're going to apologize to your father. It was a mistake, just a mistake, nothing to end a marriage over."<p>

I smile to myself as I realize how much better I sound. No hatred was in my voice, no anger. The voice in my head tries to weasel back to the front of my mind, but I fight it off with happy thoughts. I may have just learned how to stop myself from being pushed around by that voice. Well, I can only hope.

I grin as I whisper, "Tomorrow everything will change. No more voices, no more anger. Just happiness and myself.'


	15. Chapter 15

Something is different this morning, something seems happier in the world today. I sit up in my unusually bright room and enjoy the sunlight shining through my window for a few seconds. Smiling, I get up out of bed and stroll over to the window. In one quick motion, I pull up the blinds. Sunlight floods into the room and I stand in it's warmth for a long time.

Still in the sunlight, I gaze over to my clock and reallize I need to get ready now if I want to arrive at school on time. I all but skip to my closet and throw open the doors in a dramatic gesture. I reach into my closet for the only light shirt I own, a white v-neck. I strip off my dirty shirt with one arm and fling it onto my floor. I then pull my new shirt over my jet black hair and begin my weird dance I always do to get my shirts on correctly. Looking down, I realize how nicely the shirt lays across my chest and grin at myself once again. I pull out dark blue jeans and slide them on easily over my boxers. I love the way these pants land in the perfect spot on my ass, just so some underwear is showing but my whole entire plaid butt isn't easily visible. _Classy.  
><em>  
>I return my shifty gaze back into my closet.<em> I need something else, but what?<em> I reach one buff arm into my closet and move most of my clothing to one side. Hanging there in all it's unworn glory is my grey cardigan. I yank the hanger out of my closet and pull the cardigan over my arms. I canter over to my dresser and open the first drawer slowly. My knives, razors, bandages, and cleaning supplies stare back at me. I slowly reach my hand into my drawer, move objects around a tad, and then, I pull out.. _My blood red scarf._

I quickly then slam my drawer shut and feel relived that I didn't give in to my blades. I scurry to my parents bathroom so I can look in the mirror. _Damn, I look good,_ I think as I look at the way my cardigan hugs my admireable biceps, the way my t-shirt fits tightly across my chest, the way my scarf falls carelessly over my shirt, the way my jeans hit every part of my lower body right. I run back into my room, brush my teeth and grab my backpack.

I practically sprint all the way to school and barely slow down by the time I arrive at my locker. I switch out my books as fast as I can. Looking to my right, I can see Jake arrive to his locker. _Alone.  
><em>  
>I smirk, close my locker and coolly walk over to his area. <em>Swag. Swag. Swag,<em> I think to myself the whole way.

"Hey, Jake, wait up."


	16. Chapter 16

Jake stops walking and spins around on his heel. "Oh, hi, Eli," he says in this suave tone of voice, "What's up?"

Once I catch up to him, he begins walking beside me, almost as if we're friends. "Oh, not much. You?" I try to match his all too cool tone but I know I've failed miserably. I stare straight ahead and Jake does the same.

"Nothing at all."

_How does someone go about asking his ex-girlfriend's boyfriend how they're doing? This may not end well_. "So, uh, how are things with Cl-Clare?" I immediately want to smack myself after stuttering. _What the hell, Eli? He's going to think you're trying to break them up. Stupid, stupid, stupid. You should've stayed home this morning_.

Looking at me momentarily, Jake says, "It's going well. I mean, every relationship has it's ups and downs, but lately we've had more ups than downs."

I continue to stare straight ahead when I ask, "Do you stroke her hair before you leave her?"

Jake stops, stares at me, and says, "No.. Am I supposed to?"

I stop and wait for him to catch up to me before I reply, "I don't know. She likes people touching her hair." Jake stops outside of a classroom, so I stop and turn so we're face to face.

"She does, does she?"

I nod and look inside the class. It looks like an English class. Over half of the desks are filled and the teacher sits behind her desk in the back of the room. "What are you doing, Eli?"

"Oh, I was just looking at that class."

"No, I mean, why are you telling me this?'

I look into his eyes and say, "You helped me, I figured I should return the favor. This is the only way I know how."

Jake looks off to the side then back at me. Shaking his head, he says, "Don't. I don't need your help. I have to figure out what she likes on my own. I appreciate your help, but I don't need it. I think I know what Clare wants more than you do. We've been together for almost two months, Eli. I think I know what she wants by now."

He walks past me and into the classroom. _Two months? Did he say two months? They were dating while I was dating Clare?_


	17. Chapter 17

I watch Jake arrogantly saunter into the classroom in an utter daze. _My_ Clare-bear cheated on _me_? With _that_?

Still standing outside the classroom door, I whisper, "Are you sure it's been two months?" I step back from the door shaking my head, and then, once again, step towards the door. Hesitating to go in, I watch Jake calmly talk to the girl in the desk beside him. _She's obiously into him,_ I think as I watch her twirl her hair like girls do in the movies. Laughing to myself at her little cliche stunt, I step into the English room as the bell rings. The teacher jumps a little as the bell rings and stands. Smoothing her skirt, she discovers me. By the look on her face, I can tell she wasn't expecting someone that looks like me in her little honors English classroom. _Little does she know I am an honors student,_ I chuckle to myself, _Shit. I probably look like an idiotic creeper now._

"Hello, young man. Can I direct you to you class..?" The teacher asks me, and, by her tone of voice, I can tell she's making fun of me in her mind.

"No. Nope. I need to speak to Jake." I say coolly as I look around the classroom. Faces stare at me with eyes of pure disgust. _Shocking._

"I'm sorry, _boy_. Jake is needed here now. In case you didn't hear, the bell already rang," she says back to me in this irritated voice. I turn my head back towards her and smirk.

"Ma'am, I know what you're trying to do. But you won't be able to degrade me by calling me 'boy'. In case you didn't know, I'm not African American. Also, teachers aren't supposed to try demeaning their future students."

Her face flushes and she begins to look as though she needs to come up with something else to say. Still flushed, I say, "Now, ma'am, all I need is Jake to step out in the hall with me so I can deliever a message to him. It will literally take about thirty seconds."

The flustered teacher's eyes move to Jake. I follow her gaze and watch Jake stand up. I turn around walk out the door with Jake trailing behind. As I close the door, Jake asks, "Now what do you want, Eli?"

I smirk and glare up at Jake. "What the hell do you think I want?"

Jake breaks away from our little stare down and mutters, "How the hell would I know."

"What'd you say, Jake? I couldn't hear your scared little boy voice. Talk like a man, big guy."

"I SAID, 'How the _hell_ would I know.' You're fucking pshyco, Eli. Fucking bipolar as shit." He spits back and tries to match my glare.

"Wow, those were some big words for you, little fella." I counter without breaking my calm voice.

"Whatever, Eli. Tell me what the fuck you want right now." He replies. _Ha, he has a little edge in his voice. He's almost finished_.

"Aw, somebody doesn't like talking to someone who has a better vocbulary than him? I'm sorry I don't say _fuck_ every other word. Don't worry, you'll grow out of it _someday_."

"Eli, fuck off! Jesus Christ! Leave me the fuck alone you little fuck." He tries to step past me and I push him back with my chest. Smirking, I look at his angry, red, grimacing face.

"No, Jake. You were with Clare when she was _mine_."

Jake's facial expression says he already knew they were together. "_So what?_ She obviously didn't like your little pussy ass. Oh, and by the way, last night she told me about your little, _ehm_, dick. But that's okay with _you_ isn't it? _You're used to not being enough for people_. But, personally, I would be ashamed of your tiny penis. That's because I've always been good enough for people. And large enough for Clare to suck my dick like the little whore she is."

That's when I lost it._ Little whore? Clare?_ "Fuck you, Jake," I say as I throw a punch and connect with his bony little face. "Fuck you."


	18. Chapter 18

Soon enough, I find myself sitting in a room I've become all too familiar with-the prinicpal's office. Like always, I find myself staring at the wall by the door, waiting for dear old Mr. Simpson to walk in and give me the whole 'I'm ashamed of you, Eli' look. Soon enough, Mr. Simpson opened the door and let Jake, who was pressing an ice pouch on his eye, in.

With his one visable eye, Jake glares at me with pure hatred and takes a seat in the chair next to me. Shaking his head, Mr. Simpson shuts the door and sits down behind his desk. "Okay, boys, what happened?" he asks as he looks intently at both of us.

Jake, being the wuss that he is, speaks up first. "Sir, Eli called me out of class after making a fool out of my teacher, and then he punched me for _no_ reason at all. It was really uncalled for, sir, I thought Eli and I were creating a friendship, but then he goes and assults me. I don't get it, Mr. Simpson."

_Sir? Wow, he's such a fucking suck up. Fucking pussy_. Leaning back in my chair, I smirk and wait for Mr. Simpson to give me the 'Eli, is it true?' look. Mr. Simpson nods his head at Jake and looks at me. 'Here it comes! The look!' I smirk and keep eye contact with Mr. Simpson without saying a word. He gives me the look and says, "Eli, is this the truth? Did you hit Jake for no reason?"

In my most disturbingly calm voice, I say, "Pretty much."

Mr. Simpson puts his head in his hands, causing me to stare at his obvious bald spot gleaming in the artificial light. I put my hands together on my lap, watch Mr. Simpson lift his face from his hands, and feel Jake's questioning stare on the side of my face. "Eli, this can't keep happening. I have to suspend you."

Raising one eyebrow and staying in the same tone of voice, I say, "How long, Snake?"

Jake stands up and inquires, "What the heck, Eli?" Mr. Simpson looks up at Jake questionly and I remain focused on the gleaming and wrinkles on Mr. Simpson's head.

"I'm sorry, sir, it must be the headache talking," he mumbles as he slowly returns to his seat. Mr. Simpson slowly looks away from Jake and back at me.

I smirk and say, "What's my fate, Simp?" in my calm voice.

"Eli, you're going to be suspended for two weeks."


	19. Chapter 19

Silence. Bull Frog hasn't said a word to me since we left school. Not that I'm complaining or anything, but usually he gives me 'something'. But, allas, no lecture, no dissapointed looks, no deep sighing, _nothing_.

Uncomfortably, I begin moving in the passanger seat. I feel my face begin twitching, as it usually does whenever I'm placed in an uncomfortable situation. _Do something, idiot!_ I cough and look at Bull Frog out of the corner of my eye. _Nothing._ I continue coughing, making it look like I'm choking, but still no response from him. Growing angry, my face deepens into a shade of cherry. Bull Frog's eyes remain on the road, his head slightly away from me.

"WHAT THE FUCK, BULL FROG!" _Oh, god. Where did that come from, Eli?_ Bull Frog swerves momentarily, then as soon as he regains control, asks, "Yes?"

"Nothing." I reply, trying to slow my heart beat to normal.

I know there's no point in saying anything. He obviously is loosing faith in me, just like everyone else. I just thought my own _father_ would like to know why I hit that son of a bitch. But no, I'm too fucked up, he probably thinks I actually did it for no reason.

"Stop the car," I say as I finally reach my normal heart rate. He stops the car and keeps his eyes locked on the road.

Opening the door, I feel the familiar warmth of air. I slam the door, pull my hood over my head, and begin walking. I know it's a long walk to get where I want to be, but I don't care. I want my space. No, I _need_ my space.


End file.
